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Entry #0011 (04/04/2023) - Notepad
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CONTENT WARNINGS:medication, blood, hospitalization, a bit depressing i think
DATE: April 4th, 2023
TIME: 1:47 PM
MOOD: 😔 not that great

i'll just cut to the chase. i haven't been working on the website for a while now. i can't bring myself to work on it without the reminder that it's not mobile responsive. i shouldn't care that much, really, since nobody really looks at neocities pages on their phone, but... i can't help it. i don't know. it makes it feel amateur, incomplete. my perfectionism eats away at me.

i love my website's visuals... but behind the scenes i'm constantly worrying about how to make it better. more optimized. more modular. easier to edit. easier to use. and it's always stressing me out!! at least, it has been since the medication wore out of my system completely. i think i need to get medicated for depression, uh, again. taking medication has been traumatizing since the incident with birth control hospitalizing me by making me bleed so much i nearly needed a blood transfusion. sure i can pop an advil every now and then for headaches and such but... every day would be a bit much.

this website is my passion project. but it's very, very hard to be passionate about anything when you're depressed. getting myself to even make this journal entry was difficult. i don't think anybody really reads these, or even cares about my website that much. but if there is, i want you to know that i am still here. it's just been a little difficult lately.

that's all for now.